I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
