I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
