I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
