I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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