Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I need to stop coming to work sober
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
