I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
