You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
