Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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