k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
