so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
