A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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