Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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