Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
