I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
