I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
