he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
