Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
