He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
