Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
