so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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