if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
