you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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