Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
