Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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