would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
