Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it because I queefed?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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