you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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