1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
