i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
