My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
