So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
