in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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