Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
