I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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