this boner is exhausting
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
