You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
