dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm both gender and math confused
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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