Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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