She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
