My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
