It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
