id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
