Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
