I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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