Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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