True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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