Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
