I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
