that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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