Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
